CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
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i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
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And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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