im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
