I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
