Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
