just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
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