I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
3pm strippers are depressing
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
