i don't like sucking hair
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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