I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
