someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
