I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
