Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
