He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
