Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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