We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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