I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.