So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...