I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.