Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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