She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.