Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
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I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
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OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream