I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
