the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
