I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
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