How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
