Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize