I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Houston, we have a blender
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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