White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
