i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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