wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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