You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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