You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
