break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
