While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
