Christians are straight up FREAKS
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
