i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I wanna passion pit in your ass
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
