Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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