so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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