I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
