Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
