How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
