Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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