I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize