you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
