So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
