Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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