Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
