My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
