She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
