Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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