Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
