was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
