Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
