haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
50% drunk capacity currently
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
