you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
