What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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