do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
