Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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