She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
