I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
