she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
