Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
