just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
