very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So here I am, sexting at work.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
