my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
