so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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