Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
