Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize