when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize