I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
