I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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