Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize