KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
