God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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