careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Randomize
