we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
His hands were made for my vagina.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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