I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize