my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
