He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
